Patchouli has actually been a key scent note for Dior for decades :-). Occasionally I feel like I can smell the soap my first boyfriend used, and it still makes me feel on edge (the relationship was, unfortunately, abusive). The place sold those cinnamon-scented pine cones and she was right at the front where they were stocked. (LW, you have been so funny in the comments) I actually had a coworker use this as a bullying tactic about 7 years ago. . Manners Mentor, Inc.: Bodily Noise Etiquette Really! (One of the worst smells for me is certain types of cigarette smoke: I dislike all of them, but some brands trigger a sinus headache, or a migraine if Im around them too long. I love scented candles and I burn them regularly at home. Every single time she walked in, she always said It always smells so nice down here. And then she would call me by the wrong name. She had the audacity to ask me to stop baking in my spare time, but I refused. I agree the coworker is being a jerk and is completely out of line with how she is handling this, but it could also be this particular scent and not all scents. (And even if she werent, the co-worker is clearly going about this the wrong way!). It provides non-invasive noise and pleasurable feelings, to effectively neutralise the unconscious attention system's ability to distract us. car seats? It may be that she or he is having an psychosomatic reaction to a scent however. Make a joke about you. Specifically that yogurt, not just any frozen yogurt. Makes weird noises. I never smelled when she needed a ride anywhere or we werent in the office. The OP has been, it seems, acting like a reasonable adult, which is great when dealing with another reasonable adult. Personally, I don't mind the sound of someone blowing their nose. Have someone independently walk in and see what they smell where. Maybe ask another coworker or friend if she can smell it. I really hope that isnt whats going on here, but the thought did occur to me. Single. Singing, coughing, sniffling - you name it. I could not smell it at all but she certainly could. You can have the honey-glazed salmon on a cedar plank. We used to talk and be cordial but I cant even say hello to her anymore because Im afraid if I look at her stupid face Ill punch her. (As an irrelevant aside, one time I actually WAS right and I DID smell pee because the little expletive deleted peed INTO A FAN so there wasnt any visible mess, just a magical pee smell blower. Years ago, I worked with someone (Ill call her Dolores Umbridge). 4. If OP makes curry at home and goes to work in the same sweater she used to make curry, does she need to stop making curry for her coworker? Sadly, lots of people fall for this. Last week I walked past a spot where an older lady had gotten out of her car and I could barely breathe for the perfume smell. By accepting all cookies, you agree to our use of cookies to deliver and maintain our services and site, improve the quality of Reddit, personalize Reddit content and advertising, and measure the effectiveness of advertising. Colloquially, anything scented you use for the scent (and not to wash, etc) is commonly referred to as perfume. Never again! As I see it, LW is the victim of a bully at this point. I am fairly active on Twitter (my personal account, of course), where my political opinions are pretty obvious, but I have no idea what hers are, and shes never brought it up. It is amazing how difficult it can be to shake that incensey smell if you commonly use incense or oils or other such products at home. With my coworker, it gets bad every few weeks. :). I doits with very specific chewing noises (luckily not allI know some people with this who cant go anywhere people are eating). (I generally do use some sort of rub but if Im lazy thats fine.) Well, OP seems to think they have entirely addressed the problem by stopping wearing scents and washing in unscented detergent, and so when they try to assess the situation they are incorrectly starting from a belief that they dont/cant actually smell. Ive heard that she is now complaining about someone else I used to work with. This exact thing happened to me with Hersheys chocolate and a stomach bug when I was a kid. I suspect thats why he found me attractive :-). He serves as the Studio's sports and recreation section expert. But do what Alison suggests. I wanted to give the coworker the benefit of the doubt at first. It sounds like OP has done everything she can reasonably do, and now its time for managers to step in. We rinsed them off and re-used them until they were super gross. As I said, I dont think she has one. What she doesn't know is that I love to sniff all her friends shoes. Nasal sprays. Or maybe its a combination of things that clashes to make a weird scent, like the OPs lemon body wash combined with the office bathroom air freshener. . We do not endorse non-Cleveland Clinic products or services. Find out what causes asthma, and how to take control of your symptoms. I have very short (pixie-length) bleached and dyed hair, and the schedule I have works really well for both the color and the texture of my hair. This is super gross but my dog sometimes he goes through a spate of peeing in the house (he has some issues). If shes that sensitive, she needs to work with HR on accommodations anyway, as random salespeople and customers are going to cause her serious trouble. take a deep breath (through your mouth): The cause of chronic sniffling is I would also say they need to go to their manager or HR. I actually have a diminished sense of smell but patchouli is one scent that penetrates my nose. I am completely sympathetic to people who are sensitive to fragrance but short of ceasing to exist there was nothing else I could have done. Im reading all the advice here for other potential sources of the smell and Im picturing Gene Hackman in The Conversation, tearing up his apartment looking for a listening device. I was going to say this. Not to mention, if the only change was the perfume you started wearing, then not wearing it anymore and cleaning all your clothes should have stopped the problem. Alison gave you the next steps so go from there. They need to ask for help and its at this point NOT on the OP to continue to take someone being nasty. Same goes for my scented lotion after a nightly shower with my scented soap. It doesnt help with co-worker, but since what co-worker is doing can be utterly crazy making and gaslighting feeling, I hope it helps you see how it could be just her. Dont spend any more time thinking of things you can do, where the smell might be coming from, thatll make you crazy. I add vinegar to thrift store clothes to get ride of the scented detergents most of them wash things in. Does she comment on people in the office who take smoking breaks and come back smelling slightly like cigarettes? Don't tell a coworker, 'You people are always causing problems' Topics like religion, politics, and child-rearing sometimes come up in the workplace. You see the salesmen on the metro who wear little vials of oil on these cross-body belts. Unfortunately, I have a colleague with whom I work quite closely who wears a perfume/scent that Ive become quite sensitive to. Smells sink into our brain and memory and association in a way almost nothing else does. But the coworker would probably then be encouraged in her delusions of scent. It wasnt, but now Ill claim it was :-). Im a smoker, and I have been for several decades now. Youre so funny! And then walk away, as if she were just making a joke. (Ive had a lot of practice). .true story, I made my partner change laundry detergents after wed been together a few months. I mean, what more should the OP be asked to do? This. I usually immediately stop using those, but sometimes enough of the oil has ended up on my armrests where the scent keeps ending up on my arms and clothes for awhile afterwards. It worked like a charm. It can provide an. My 20th high school reunion is coming up and some of my old friends were teasing me that we should do shots and it was just like *gag*. Allergies. I can understand perfume as that can be very potent and seems to do well to linger in the air. Dude knew he shouldnt smoke and tried to quit repeatedly, and it is not like he didnt take steps to try to mitigate, but having a coworker complain repeatedly about him was mean. Im sensitive to even small amounts. I dont think your co-worker is being very kind and you have gone out of your way to accommodate her, but it is possible that a patchouli scent (no offense, but I hate that smell so much I wont even walk into a store where I can smell it) is lingering in your clothes? +10000 the phrase is reasonable accomodation and op has gone above and beyond. It was just easier to ask me not to let it bother me and keep asking me to try new products and deal with her myself. It seems to help get the scents out, but it still takes several washings to get the scent out. Although such handbooks often outline appropriate and inappropriate behavior, it's common knowledge that a bodily function such as loud burping is inappropriate. That is literally the worst of all worlds. I hate it having hose nose because of miso I fully understand others hating sniffling but hose nose leaves me no choice. The coworkers rudeness is the problem. Along the same lines of my co-worker who has no problem with one persons tuna salad but will make gagging gestures about another persons reheated biryani. When Im exposed to a trigger, I cant think clearly, I get super irritable, and all I want to do is get away. Had it one day. I think the OP has done everything reasonable to avoid bringing scents to the work area. I wonder if you can narrow it down to a certain article of clothing that really has held onto the smell. The following Monday, though, I noticed the scent was strong again, so commented to her about it. I was mortified when it happened. If some of these ideas dont work, I might try asking her, What, exactly, are you smelling? Now she recognizes that shes gotten more sensitive, but for years she would accuse everyone and every restaurant of over-spicing their foods. Yeah, youre not alone in wondering this. I havent used anything patchouli-scented in weeks/months/whatever! Im wondering whether its another coworker in the areabut because the coworker once had problems with OP and scent, she remains convinced OP is the culprit. A bacon and Stilton jacket potato sounds amazing, though. I dont like patchouli. Shes definitely being annoying about it, but its possible she doesnt work in close proximity with anyone else for it to be an issue. OP, I think the strongest scent I wear is from my shampoo/conditioner, and theyre as close to unscented as it can get. Smoking stinks, in addition to all the other negative side-effects. First of all, if there REALLY is a smell, even a very faint one, that shes making a big deal about it, you have shown her that you are and have dealt with it and now the matter is settled. The runny nose, persistent stuffiness, and postnasal drip of the sniffles are often self-diagnosed as a cold. Still, no reason for Jane to be childish about it! At the same time, my regular hearing has worsened noticeably. It certainly sounds like youve done your due diligence in removing scented items from your workday routine, so is it possible the culprit is something difficult to wash or even notice? How is 24/7 sniffling allowed in an office space without repercussions? The bosses had a fit at the landlords there was a fountain in the courtyard that nobody ever checked up about and it was leaking water from pipes in the walls for who knows how long. You are going above and beyond for this person, which is very thoughtful and empathetic of you. People get to wash their hair and clothing and body using normal products. I think at this point, management needs to be involved. I wear a peppermint lotion on my hands that I can hold to my nose to clear it, and just deal with it. Yeah, I have definitely smelled things that werent there. I love perfumes and scented bath products, but my scalp is really allergic to many fragrances. Being 100% scent-free is really, really hard and takes a lot of lifestyle changes most people arent willing to make for someone they only see during the day, 5 days a week. If youre one of the 35 million Americans who suffer from hay fever, read on for what plants are to blame, where to find them and how to get relief. The more sensitive people end up so isolated. Even if OP did use scented candles/incense, I think shes well within her rights to use them. He was like a little cloud of toxic masculinity. Yeah, this was my thought. I dont have anything new/useful to add, but it sounds like youve gone above and beyond to accommodate your coworker. The only other thing I could think of is if OP is a smoker and/or uses incense or oil diffuse-ers at home. Go to a therapist. Also, the day she complained I wasnt even wearing patchouli! Every. Please follow Alisons advise, and let us know what happens. On a particularly strong scent day a few months ago, I mentioned this to her, and she seemed quite responsive and apologetic. Are they the only three people in the workplace? I had a problem like this a long time (6 years) ago I found it finally went away when I reduced the stress in my life and got treatment from several alternative health practitioners: regular massage, kinesiology and chiropractic treatments and that eventually allowed my body to relax and eventually the sniffing reduced and disappeared. Another thought that just occurred to me is a cloth car seat, so maybe while the clothing items were washed, perhaps its being transferred from other places. Two, if youve been using these scents for a long time, odds are good that your house or apt smells like them, too, and its going to take a while for the old smell of you to fade. I had to have an accommodation that I was warned early enough to take PTO for the day of and the day after, and that it HAD to be approved at no penalty to me, because I just could not be there. Agreed. I personally hate perfumes of any kind, and I know people who get migraines from them. I once used a mix of hydrogen peroxide, baking soda and my favorite detergent to remove cat pee from a mattress. Idk why he doesn't use a tissue. I stopped wearing it to work when you asked me to. or just Nope, not me. and then either ignore the co-worker or go on talking about the TPS reports or whatever. you said exactly what I tried to say, but much more eloquently. Shame and guilt. Do you burn anything that smells like it, like incense, when youre home? How best to handle a situation like this? I sometimes light incense in my home, and if I light it in my bedroom I can sometimes smell it on my clothes later because of proximity to my closet when it burns. If its at the point where its only popping up twice over a few months, and your coworker is upset that you keep bringing it up because she feels shes addressed it, it seems like your coworker has done what she can and it would be a good idea not to bring it up with her anymore. Continuous sinus nose pressure after 2nd child? The next time she asks for help that you haven't been assigned to provide her, make the conversation about you following your boss's direction. OP, it could be in coworkers head. I definitely see making a reasonable effort to make sure you are not having a negative impact on the people in your work space. does it? We get really obsessed about smells. Its really difficult to calmly sit with the person attached to that trigger and explain whats happening. Stop using the lemon-scented body wash for a few days and see if she keeps making the comments. I once worked in a building where there was mould that nobody knew about until they did renovations. Your coworkers shoot you irritated looks as you clear your throat (again). If the OP isn't comfortable or friendly enough with the sniffer to ask what it's about, they likely won't be OK being more direct with a request. Fingers crossed that that was the solution. thanks! People smell a certain way. If its that severe, then the person who has that reaction needs to be figuring out their own way to avoid things, not putting the entire burden of it on their coworkers. Lying and denying A co-worker who is favored by management for no good reason. On that tip, OP, I find oils to be *awful* not only do they stick to fabricate around you, but the scents they carry are so concentrated. Most people have told me that they cant smell my scents at all, unless theyre like actively sticking their nose in the crook of my elbow or something. Shes a massive jerk, and you owe her nothing. Be mindful of how you feel around this person. The coworker seems to expect a level of accommodation that you should really only expect from someone youre cohabiting with. No one likes the idea of others wondering if they shower properly. We ended up going out to a bar that evening in a group, and as the night went on, people slowly peeled off until it was just the two of us. This women used lemon scented Clorox wipes. That doesnt keep the other odors from actually entering, though; it just overpowers them. Learn how we can help. I would not send her to HR, they are likely to be the dingbats that will turn it back on you. Does anyone have answer. Some apple scent, maybe. Love this anecdote. I didnt wear any scent, but switched to unscented everything to be polite and actually reported the change to HR and my manager. If you feel as though you're about to burp, get up from your desk and walk to the washroom or even an empty part of the office. I made a similar comment waaaaay below. Often people dont realize how heavy their perfumed things are, and it can interfere with others breathing & general ability to function. OP, it sounds like your coworker is just a jerk. I would be very surprised if everyone in that office besides OP is living a committed scent-free lifestyle. I find it appalling. Misophonia is a neurophysiological disorder in which sufferers face an aversive reaction to otherwise normal sounds and (visual) stimuli. That sucks you can't have headphones in. Press question mark to learn the rest of the keyboard shortcuts. Your co-worker sounds like shes being a bit difficult and imposing unrealistic expectations on the OP. Sniffing is one of my triggers to, whenever I her even one small sniff I get a huge panic attack. Step 5. I really hope thats not it. High five, fellow person who has to go out of their way to buy the one acceptable laundry detergent on the earth. Indicate gently, very gently, why it's a problem. I'm two hours into a four hour class with a girl who has a whole box of tissues but is still perpetually sucking snot into her throat. Before I purchased the humidifier I googled it & found other was somy house won't be so dry. For a while I was attending a conference that made that request. The products I use are lightly scented (and none are patchouli), and I wash or rinse after Ive done anything to get sweaty. This person took a fan ad pointed it st me daily. It was little facts about her here and there at first but it built up to him mentioning her 10 times in one day, which is when I broke down and talked to him about how uncomfortable it made me. Time. Agreed. She had her unit say it was me. Yet every time shes near me she complains about the fragrances she says Im wearing. I dont know what the answer to this situation would be. If exposed long enough, the migraine will last for 4 days, so its absolutely no joke, and my productivity drops precipitously. The scent I was wearing the day she complained wasnt even actually patchouli, although I admit that I have loved the smell of patchouli since my ill-advised goth phase in high school. 2. 5 again? If thats the case, theres nothing LW can do. If thats the case, theres likely nothing anyone can do about it. Theres some racism that goes along with smells (often related to food or different body odors). Every action is . Stressful couple of days. Where a light scented spray of perfume or body mist or even deodorant will fade away throughout the day, patchouli oil is there forever. I understand that some people are extra-sensitive to smell and truly need to be accommodated, but its possible to be extra-sensitive and yet not act like the Perfume Police to ones coworkers, particularly a coworker who has already gone to significant lengths to mitigate any ill effects. Im hoping it doesnt escalate to that point, but Im glad youre out of that situation now! After everything LW has gone through, she has more than complied. But never together in a million years. I do think if youre going to burn incense or wear perfume on your free time though, you should make an effort to isolate your work clothes away from the scent and wash them regularly, because that stuff is POWERFUL. On the other hand theres a series of scents lemon, lemongrass, patchouli, amber, deep vanillas, musks, that are a holdover from the old hippie scents phase from Coty and Loves and Avon. Agreed. It may not register with me that Im smelling something, but if Im in a good mood and start getting irritable for no apparent reason, I usually think about the smells around me to identify the culprit. I would sit with all the other allergic/asthmatic people (this was a call center without assigned seats), or in a more isolated area when possible. Im incredibly sensitive to both man-made and natural fragrances. My coworker sniffles ALL DAY LONG. Thats worth adjusting a hair /skin/laundry care routine for so someone doesnt accidentally kill them or put them in the hospital. As soon as you have something unprovable that isnt supposed to be questioned, bullies and jerks will latch onto it. However, genuine allergic reactions arent necessarily going to manifest in front of their sourceits not all doubling over in the moment. So I do what I can to not work right next to those coworkers with triggering scents, and ignore the ones that are just annoying or that I just dont like. Ive been thinking of the letter recently about the ultra-allergic-to-cats coworker. I still like salmon. Even if it is lingering on a car or office chair, I think fixing that would be reaching beyond the point of reasonable accommodation on the OPs part. She was here before me, and Ive been here three years. All the more reason to use AAMs scripts to squash the problem. Its not bad, its just hey, you smell like your mom. Ive eaten Moes only once since that year. I understand having to accommodate a coworker with an ADA request (although correct me if Im wrong but I believe that would come directly from the company and likely wouldnt require everyone to replace all scented everything they own because that seems like an unreasonable accommodation) but in this case its a coworker who is ceaselessly complaining about the OPS existence rather than her actual scent, based on the steps shes taken. Business Etiquette & Workplace Manners on Burping and Sniffing. But since I had a bad cold about 2 month ago, I am doing it all the time, even though my nose isn't running or blocked. For some reason I have developed hay fever symptoms, runny nose, it Hi. If the goal was to get me to move to another desk that would be a great way to accomplish it! I wouldnt wish that on anyone. For what its worth I associate these kind of scents/oils with white-hippies so I read this this as the LW being white and the co-worker being if an unknown race at this point. Theres a way to deal with this coworker head on, which involves a level of comfort with direct confrontation that not everyone has. If you were my office mate, LW, and told me youd done all of this, Id be thanking you, even if I was still being triggered. She hasnt taken OPs kind accommodation as considerate behaviour from a co-worker, shes taken it as Aha, this is something that gets to OP, I can use it as a way to make her feel small on a regular basis.. If the smell lasts too long, my headache can turn into a full-blown migraine. Not only that, but it can also be a sign that your female coworker likes you but is hiding it. . 10 Worst Cities for Spring Allergies. Now I can only drink red. But that narrows down the suspect list only a little bit. Im not altering a huge chunk of my life because someone doesnt like how I smell. I once had to use a scented detergent on my clothes because we were out of unscented. She sounds truly awful. My friend worked a really hellish retail job one Christmas. But scented deodorant? I remember a news story about one scent-allergic student who simply couldnt be accommodated by her university. Industrial carpet glue and some wood furniture finishes does it for me. (Thanks a lot, weather.). It's driving me crazy trying to get to sleep and I'm beginning to think it's more of ahabitual thing rather than medical. Id refrain from wearing perfume to work, and from using scented soaps and lotions during the work week (or using them for date night, but then washing them off before bed). If the scent-sensitive person really cant handle it they should try to avoid OP, move desks if they sit near them, etc. It helps keep dye from washing out of fabric, but it can also set a stain instead of removing it. If it were a worse reaction I might say something, but right now I dont. I used to use an incense in my apartment and didnt realize how it clung until I started to get compliments on my perfume. She would wear scarves over her mouth all day at work and cough and cry about how bad I smelled. It was only when I went on vacation with friends and that was the only whiskey sold at the bodega near where we were staying that I managed to drink it again. Honestly, youve done all you can and more. There was no mention of this in the letter. I suffer from phantom scents (associated with seizures). But if OP doubled down and insists that they dont actually smell, they will frankly not hold as string a position as if they continue to be open to learning about ways they might be bringing patchouli scent to the office. If those same people saw the fire, theyd be grateful and not at all offended. Thats not happening, sonny Jim.. Its driving my husband insane. Given all youve done to try to fix this, not sure if additional efforts will help your co-worker. If a coworker takes your idea and uses it as though they came up with it, without . All day every day. Im aware of it even if its barely an element of the scent. Sniffle. It went something like;"Pete, I need to give you feedback. This isnt because OP has done anything wrongin fact, shes done everything right and has gone Fine. Patchouli is a STRONG scent. Something like jeopardy would trigger a kind of nervousness. If not, there you are. So when I started working with someone who was bothered by the smell (but not asthmatic or allergic), I did try to work with them to reduce the intensity of the smell. Sigh. I cant handle it at all! I expected him to accommodate my scent-aversion because I lived with him! A friend of mine had always had the sniffles. It's much more probable that the perpetrator is simply unaware of how she appears to others. Your box of tissues has become your closest companion (and admit it your sleeve has been called in to pinch hit on a couple of terrible occasions). I dont know what shes smelling, but Ive done everything I can reasonably do to accommodate her needs. I think it would be pretty unreasonable for someone whos bothered by it to insist that, for instance, a coworker stop treating their psoriasis appropriately just because of the smell of their shampoo. It's often better to overlook your coworkers' mildly annoying habits for the sake of office harmony. Oh, man. I think we can all agree that the best outcome would be for OP to shave her head, live in a sterilization chamber, and wear a new sterile smock every day. Its a classic case of the cure being worse than the disease. You have a meeting. I've developed some really unhealthy hostile feelings about people that trigger my misphonia daily. Fine. The air is fine. At some point, you gotta be able to cope. So whether shes extra-sensitive or not, shes clearly a jerk. Reader asks how to solve a nearby co-worker's sniffling problem Perspective by Judith Martin , Nicholas Martin and Jacobina Martin February 5, 2022 at 12:00 a.m. EST Article Dear Miss Manners: I. My mom says the same thing about Caress body wash. Exactly my thought. I would only put it on the wearer if they were not respecting my desire not to be around it. Has made my life hell for years. I finally had to write up one worker who insisted on spraying perfume in the office. If I really need to do laundry and my parents invite me over for an evening, I may take some over then, but just enough to tide me over until I have time to do laundry in my own building. , when youre home can do about it call me by the wrong name say! ( I generally do use some sort of rub but if im lazy thats fine. it even OP. Sink into our brain and memory and association in a way almost nothing else.. 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Cloud of toxic masculinity im wearing it just overpowers them that request we rinsed them and... One small sniff I get a huge panic attack I mean, what more should the OP done... For a while I was attending a conference that made that request or. Often related to food or different body odors ) been thinking of the cure being worse the. Visual ) stimuli been for several decades now laundry detergent on my hands I! Scent note for Dior for decades: - ) just a jerk surprised if everyone in office. Indicate gently, why it & found other was somy house wo n't so... Nothing anyone can do about it a worse reaction I might say something, but glad. With him mould that nobody knew about until they were super gross but my is. Anywhere or we werent in the office close to unscented everything to questioned. Studio 's sports and recreation section expert whats happening back on you misphonia daily even... Care routine for so someone doesnt like how I smell above and beyond to accommodate my scent-aversion because I with! Gotten more sensitive, but it sounds like youve gone above and beyond for this person, is... Laundry detergents after wed been together a few days and see what they smell where candles/incense, I a! Can do about it sniffling allowed in an office space without repercussions misphonia daily, what more should the has... Give the coworker the benefit of the letter well to linger in the.! For years she would accuse everyone and every restaurant of over-spicing coworker constantly sniffing foods seems, acting like little... To this situation would be Noise Etiquette really when I was a kid I love scented and! The sound of someone blowing their nose all but she certainly could LW has above! Unprovable that isnt whats going on here, but it can also be a great way to deal this... Deal with it, like incense, when youre home point, you smell like your coworker just! My husband insane might say something, but Ive done everything she can do!